“Do you like it here, running a bar in Spain?”

So you smile and you nod, and you lie yet again

“What would you pay for a bar like this?”

Is the cheeky sod buying, or taking the piss.

Next time he comes in the bar for a drink

I’ll show him this poem and say “What do you think?”

He’ll probably think it’s a bloody big joke

So let him buy a bar and go F…..g broke.

The first few days are like a vacation

Then comes the hassle and the aggravation

The nice Gestoria whose advice you took

Has taken your cash now he don’t give a F..k

You’re running a bar, you’re totally legal

You’re smoking shit that’s nothing like Regal

You’re living like gypsies, in some tatty flat

paying double it’s rent to some robbing twat

Each time a Spaniard walks in the door

Your heart skips a beat “What’s he come in for?”

Is he Town Hall, Sanidad or Hecienda Inspector

or plain clothes police with a noise detector?

Autonimous, Work Permits, Facturas and Rent

Look at the F…..g money we’ve spent

“Where are the Tourists?” They said we’d be heaving

I’ve learnt on this Island seeing is believing.

At last it’s summer the Tourists are here

You’d better order some extra beer

This is the time of milk and honey

Till it dawns on you they’ve no F…..g money!

“Can you give me two glasses to put one coke in?”

You feel like saying “You’re F…..g joking”

How much is a pint, what’s half a beer

What the hell are you doing here.

One day all your papers arrive at last

Whoopee! We are legal! It’s all in the past

Inspectors can come in you can show them the lot

Bt there’s always one paper you haven’t got

Now comes the hear, the flies and cockroaches

You’re rooting round waste skips like urban poachers

The electrics are frightening, the bogs don’t flush

The water even rots your nylon toothbrush.

By the end of the season you’ve made a few quid

You’re knackered, you’re hungry, but hate f…..g squid

You’ve lost over a stone and suffered from cramp

Now you’ve discovered your apartment is damp.

“Do you like it here well that do you think?”

We can’t go to sleep without having a drink

We’re missing our kids, we drink too much beer

Of course we like F…..g living here!

BALEARICS TO YOU!

During the daily tours, boats emerge from the dark corners of the cave and glide across the lake. On board the moving boats are a violinist and a pianist who will perform classical pieces of Caballero, Chopin and Offenbach.

There are three chambers inside the Cuevas del Drach: Cueva Negra (Black Cave), Cueva Blanca (White Cave) and Cueva Luis Salvator (Luis Salvator Cave). Cuevas del Drach, also know as the Cave of the Dragon, are well known for its wealth of speleothems – helictities, fragile soda straws, organ pipes, marble cascades and lace draperies cover numerous parts of the ceiling and walls of this Mallorcan cave.

For more information, times, prices etc then visit www.cuevasdrach.com

The festivities including fireworks on the Sunday take place either in the week before or the week after and is organised by the Neighbours’ Association “Eu Moll” with the support from different local and private institutions.

So come and join in with the festivities!!!

The Nags Head -x-

Puerto Pollensa has everything to make your stay memorable – with wonderful idillic scenery, beautiful sandy beaches, and a laid-back friendly atmosphere that you won’t find anywhere else. The sheltered horseshoe shaped design of the bay is set against the stunning backdrop of the Tramuntana mountain range, making it a clear favourite with families and couples who return time and time again.

The port itself was popular with artists before the tourist boom and many of the hotels in the town predate the 1960’s concrete boom with the oldest being Hotel Miramar, which opened in 1912. Originally a fishing village, Puerto Pollensa retains the time old tradition of the evening paseo. On a warm evening, you can take a delightful stroll between the marina and the celebrated Pine Walk as far as the elegant Illa D’Or hotel and take in the natural beauty the port has to offer.

The name ‘Pollenca’ derives from ‘Pollentia’ which was the name of the Roman town in Alcudia where the people who settled Pollensa and the surrounding area came from. Pollensa’s ‘modern’ era began in the early 5th century with the foundation of a settlement at the foot of the Calvari, however in keeping with other places in Mallorca, Pollensa can boast of a history that has seen Egyptians, Romans, Moors and Ottomans all having a part in the affairs of the town, and it stands in the same location as the much earlier city of Bocchoris which was founded by the Pharaohs.

Although the Romans held Mallorca as a part of the western empire, there is not much left in Pollensa to be seen of their time there, unlike in nearby Alcudia where remains can be seen more clearly. The town’s narrow streets are cobbled and are surrounded by 17th and 18th century architecture. There is also a Roman bridge that goes over a stream in the centre of the town, and in the main square, called Placa Major, there holds a fountain that dates back to 1827.

One of the most remarkable landmarks in the old town of Port de Pollencia is the Via Crucis which is a long steep climb comprising of approximately 365 steps, roughly representing a step of every day of the year. This walkway of steps is surrounded by cypress trees and is quite impressive in it’s own right. At the top stands the 13th century statue of Mare de Deu del Peu de la Creu (Mother of God at the Foot of the Cross) and many people climb the steps to see both the statue and the incredible views of the surrounding countryside and coastline of Puerto Pollensa.